Developing Safe Space for Difficult Conversations

Developing a safe space for difficult conversations is hard. It doesn’t matter what the conversation is about, who’s involved, or whether you’re trying to have it at home, at work, or with a friend — we have an innate fear of being a part of difficult conversations because they are threatening, feel unsafe, and often call us to account.

Consequently, rather than learning the skills required, many of these conversations go by the wayside, un-had and unheard. Needs go unheard and unmet. Distance creeps into our teams and partnerships making it increasingly difficult to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be. Our own relative comfort is chosen at the expense of connection and the combined energy we could achieve fades to non-committal.

The success of everything we do that involves another person or persons literally comes down to how effectively we communicate, whether we can get our point and needs across, and whether we can field a healthy interaction that acknowledges the needs and differences of another. This skill is responsible for cohesive growth in any group, be it at home, at school, at work or in a social environment.

And yet it is one of the skills most lacking across the board. Why is that? I don’t believe that any group of people, from families to corporates to communities, easily develop these safe spaces where all stakeholders can input into the needs, growth and success of that group. Doing so requires focus and intention. Trial and error. Patience and determination. Care.

Firstly, we all have different styles of communicating. Some of us like facts and details. Some of us like to understand the pretty picture of how it all fits together and influences the whole. Some of us are adept at finding the language to articulate what we’d like to say, and some of us struggle to find the words to express ourselves even when we can feel and see it clearly in our heads. Our ability to deliver a point is often hampered by the difficulty of the emotion or depth of discussion. As soon as we’re uncomfortable our brains want to protect us, prompting various responses from awkward silence to terse statements that shut others down.

Difficult discussions require us to address various opinions, points of view, value…